I am a Leo. I dream of grandeur and luxury. I love wealthy things. I love beauty
...and I am scared of failure.
When I was a child, I have always thought that I am destined for greatness. I will go places, succeed in life and be one of the richest people on Earth. It's not that I am greedy or what. It's just that I love to think of myself as someone who will leave a mark in this world. I am scared to die with a very few people noticing that I existed. I am scared of just passing and leaving. I still am...and I think I will be, for the rest of my life.
Now, I am at the point where I don't really know where I am going. This period of uncertainty makes me question if I really am going to be noticeable in a world where 7 billion people co-exist. It makes me sad that when I look at some of the people around me, I realize inch by inch how mediocre I am. I start to ask myself if I really have it in me or are all those things I dreamt of once just delusions of grandeur? Will I ever be able to travel the world, let alone go abroad? Will I ever be able to do all the things in my bucket list? Will I ever be able to help people and make a difference? The list goes on and on.
My student told me that I will never know what I really want to do unless I try. I need to take the plunge to the great unknown and hope to God that I will find that which I am looking for. I guess he is right...but what if, what if I never come to terms with my own destiny? Some people search their entire life and still fail to know what it is they're looking for. What if I am part of them? After all, I am unlucky.
If I could just know what the future has in store for me then I guess I will be a little bit more comfortable. But then again, that's the beauty/ugliness of life. Everything is uncertain.
